Sigh

I have had quite a week here both at work and in my personal life....  I am trying to hang on as I type and release the emotions.   

I'm having a hard time keeping in the tears today for some reason.... I'm frustrated that words get taken out of context and feelings get hurt.   I'm sad a good friend will be leaving soon halfway across the country.... I'm distracted by things running thru my mind that take me off task at work...... I'm having a hard time smiling... But most of all, I'm having a hard time accepting the fact that I know that happiness is a choice and yet, I' choosing to be sad/overwhelmed.... SNAP OUT OF IT!! 

I believe that God has a plan and even though we have free will, he does offer you many opportunities to walk in His plan.   Is that what is happening now?   I don't know for sure.  I do know that I have been, to say the least, hesitant to open myself back up to Him.  Why?  I have to search deep inside for that answer.  I have been feeling that soft quiet voice asking me to come back...God, I don't know if I can.  And that scares me because I know that I'll be judged on that decision when I die.  (unless I've come back to my senses by that time, in which case, all will be forgiven, right?)  At least that's my hope.....