For a few weeks now, I've been feeling that tug again.... that small, still, voice calling me to turn to Him. He misses me. Yet I am afraid....
I don't really know what exactly I am afraid of. Could it be that I am afraid that, like Isaiah felt, I am unclean, therefore not worthy? Could it be I'm afraid of being wrong? That I'm not hearing what I think I'm hearing? Been there before... Could I be afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone into an area of uncomfortableness..(is that even a word?)? Could I be afraid of looking stupid? Well, the answer is yes to all of those fears.
I realize that my fear comes from a lack of understanding. It comes from not trusting Him. But especially, it comes from not trusting ME. I am oh so insecure in my role as a child of God. I've sat under several doctrines that were, uhm... confusing, for lack of a better word. I trusted and got hurt. I believed and got confused. So I'm gun shy, so to speak.
I need to get back in His Word and spend time talking to Him so that I will know His voice when I hear it. I need to get back into spending quiet time with Him. I need to stop making excuses for why I don't... Now that I know what I need to do, it's execution time, for the kazillionth time!