Friday, August 6, 2010

Shhh.... can you hear it?

For a few weeks now, I've been feeling that tug again.... that small, still, voice calling me to turn to Him.  He misses me.  Yet I am afraid....

I don't really know what exactly I am afraid of.  Could it be that I am afraid that, like Isaiah felt, I am unclean, therefore not worthy?  Could it be I'm afraid of being wrong?  That I'm not hearing what I think I'm hearing?  Been there before...  Could I be afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone into an area of uncomfortableness..(is that even a word?)?  Could I be afraid of looking stupid?  Well, the answer is yes to all of those fears.  

I realize that my fear comes from a lack of understanding.  It comes from not trusting Him.  But especially, it comes from not trusting ME.   I am oh so insecure in my role as a child of God.  I've sat under several doctrines that were, uhm... confusing, for lack of a better word.  I trusted and got hurt.  I believed and got confused.  So I'm gun shy, so to speak. 

I need to get back in His Word and spend time talking to Him so that I will know His voice when I hear it.  I need to get back into spending quiet time with Him.  I need to stop making excuses for why I don't... Now that I know what I need to do, it's execution time, for the kazillionth time!