Grace

Searching and trying to find my way

Alone and in the valley of my own mess

Regrets and shame are served each day

And yet, I still continue

The miry pit has a lot of space

For those who are like me

The dirt and the mud on my down turned face

I want no one to see

Stumbling and tripping as I search

God is right there and waiting for me

And yet the distractions are doing their job

And so I turn and flee

And yet, He is still waiting

For me to turn my head

And run into his loving arms

And dry the tears I shed.

Thank You, Lord

The only words that I can speak are “Thank You, Lord”

My heart is full of gratitude for all that you have given us.
Thank you, Lord

You have opened doors
You have shown favor
You have healed
You have blessed
Thank you Lord,

As we venture into another challenge
As we climb from the valley
Thank you, Lord

Blessed

I am blessed in so many ways

From the pain that I feel
To the food that I eat
To the air that I breathe.

The pain could be worse
The food could be sparse
The air could be gone from my lungs.
Yes, I am blessed


From the family that loves
To the friends that care
Yes, I am blessed

Feast

The sleep that evades me is so desperately needed

The dreams that follow keep me in confusion
The people I dream of
Friends of the past life
I lived many years ago
I have to wonder why
Why are they sitting at the table with me?
What is the relevance to it all; I have to ponder.
The people that drift in and out of my dreams are from so many years ago
We are breaking bread together
Are we at the Lord’s table, per chance?
Is this God’s way of letting me know my fears
My deepest fear
Is for naught?
That forgiveness is abundant
Much like the feast that I attend with my friends

Am I being shown these people for a reason,
Or is it simply chance?

Weary

Truth will prevail, but only if you allow it to
What truths are you afraid to see, my child?
Are you afraid that maybe, just maybe, you have been wrong?
Are you afraid that maybe, just maybe I am real?
Are you fearful that my love for you has been voided by your disbelief?

Your fear is seen by Me
I want to help you overcome and be a conqueror
Meet me halfway I will be there to guide you
My hand is outstretched and waiting to grab you from the pit

Trust me
Believe in me
Abide in me and I will give you rest



Oh God, I am fearful
The forces that have taken hold of me are stronger than I can fight
I’ve tried for years, Lord
I’ve tried for year to no avail.
The more I fight and call on Jesus, the stronger they appear
It is only when I stop that they stop
It’s like that chains that bind are tighter as I fight and relax when I stop
Only to allow me to go deeper in the pit

The grip on my mind is like a claw of the raven, resting on my skull
Piercing deep into the flesh and into my brain
I’m afraid to fight anymore.
I’m too weak

Direction

Oh my gosh so much to do so much to say so much to accomplish in such a short time
My mind is like a humming bird flitting from one thought to another
Once again out of control with all the possibilities
The options that lay before me are vast
Too vast in as much as I am overwhelmed with which way to go
I need to stop and focus
Yet I cannot
My mind won’t let me
So I drift hither and yon in my mind
Getting caught in the crevices of what could be and what will be and what is now
The list grows longer with every thought



Lord, help me to focus on what is most important at this time. Help me to prioritize and not lose track of what I need to do.
Direct my path, Lord.
Direct my path

Wheels of my mind

The wheels of my mind are spinning almost out of control.
They have dug ruts in the miry clay that seem to keep me captive
Ruts that represent my failed aspirations and desires
Deeper and deeper they become
I’m stuck

As I dream of using my gifts and talents to help support those that I love;
I see that all I’m doing is dreaming.
The challenges I come against are typically self induced.
Distractions
Lack of focus
Lack of belief... in my myself

Excitement turns to fear
Fear that only helps to distract even more.

The only option is to push through.
To regain focus
To trust that what is in my heart
To believe in my self

Lord, I pray that you will help me to make some sense of the mess in my mind. That you will clear my thoughts and help me to become more focused and know what I am to do. Give me clear direction so that I am not simply spinning my wheels and going nowhere.