For a few weeks now, I've been feeling that tug again.... that small, still, voice calling me to turn to Him. He misses me. Yet I am afraid....
I don't really know what exactly I am afraid of. Could it be that I am afraid that, like Isaiah felt, I am unclean, therefore not worthy? Could it be I'm afraid of being wrong? That I'm not hearing what I think I'm hearing? Been there before... Could I be afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone into an area of uncomfortableness..(is that even a word?)? Could I be afraid of looking stupid? Well, the answer is yes to all of those fears.
I realize that my fear comes from a lack of understanding. It comes from not trusting Him. But especially, it comes from not trusting ME. I am oh so insecure in my role as a child of God. I've sat under several doctrines that were, uhm... confusing, for lack of a better word. I trusted and got hurt. I believed and got confused. So I'm gun shy, so to speak.
I need to get back in His Word and spend time talking to Him so that I will know His voice when I hear it. I need to get back into spending quiet time with Him. I need to stop making excuses for why I don't... Now that I know what I need to do, it's execution time, for the kazillionth time!
I do agree with your post, fear is from lack of understanding.
ReplyDeletekim from MBC
First time here and really enjoyed your post. You know, after YEARS of walking with the Father I still have so much insecurity at times and I kick myself thinking you should be solid in this for you KNOW who your God is and you love Him so, but I do think the enemy would like us to feel less than so that we feel we 'just don't measure up'. I get it, and we have to remember Jesus likes us to come as little children...accept his love and what He has for us no matter how we 'feel' at the moment. Great post...
ReplyDeleteFirst time here, and just wanted to say I loved this post. You are so real.
ReplyDeleteWe have all been there...the caves. It is hard to come out, and it's comfortable in the darkness. In fact, after awhile it seems almost normal, but good job you for taking a risk and peeking out.
Loved this post. Here from MBC and following
ReplyDeleteUmmmmm, you had me at tiny, small, voice...
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