Breaking Free

I started a bible study this week.  It's a remake of one I did back in 1999.  Breaking Free by Beth Moore.  I went hesitantly .... and had all kinds of exuses to back out...  but Tina sent me an email to tell me how excited she was that I was coming that night... sigh... now what?  I got busted!!!  So I went....  Looking much like a deer in the headlights...   but I went!  It's time... I've been saying that.... and I meant it then and I mean it now... It's time

I'm going to hold Beth to her promise.  She said that if I did this study, and commited to this study, God would work a miracle in me and I would be free...  I'm holding her to it I tell you!!! 

One thing that she did say that really got my attention....  Is what I am holding on to worth what I am giving up?  Basically it's saying that God has so much in store for me and my holding on to certain things may be keeping me from those blessings.  I know that I am holding on to many things...  It reminded me of a dream I had a long time ago.... I was on a stage and in my hand was an alabaster box.  I wonder what was really in there...   Random thoughts, sorry .....  back to my topic...  

So... I have commited to this study.  and I am holding Beth Moore to her promise.. Stay tuned for the transformation!!!!

Isaiah 61:1-3 (New International Version)


The Year of the LORD's Favor

1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, 2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, 3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.

Major thump today....

A long time ago... August 26, 2001,  to be exact, a word of knowledge was spoken.  I received that word and even went as far as to type it up and affix it to my checkbook cover as a reminder.  Through the years, the tape I used lost it's stickiness and it fell off. 

Out of the blue last week, that worn piece of taped paper ended up on my desk.  Looking at it, I can see holes in it so I must have hung it on my bulletin board above my desk... only to have attached other things over top of it.  I read it, recogized it, and stuck it under my keyboard to read later.

Today, as I walked back into my office, (I was only gone a few minutes) I see laying, smack dab in the middle of my chair,  that word.....  God is trying his best to get my attention....  I know because of a verse that always shows up when a word is spoken over me.... 

The word was:
"Have I not said unto you that I will not withhold anything from them that walk uprightly.  If ye abide in Me and My Word abide in you, you can ask what you will and it shall be done.  I am a living God.  You will serve and worship a living God.  I'm the God of the past, I'm the God of the present, and I am the God of your future.  Trust in Me, saith God - Lean to Me, look to Me, saith the Lord and I will make ways where there is no way.  I will provide where there is no provision, for I Am the Lord your God who loves and cares for you".

I've been a very hard headed child lately.... I know what I need to do... I just have a hard time doing it.  Yet, He has been very patient.... I'm grateful for his mercy.  Forgive me, Father... I repent. 

John 15: 1-7


1 I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit.  3 You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you.  4 Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me.  5 I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. 6 If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned. 7 If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.

Consequences of excuses

I saw something this weekend that really was profound to me...  It was on Diet Tribe and it really spoke to me. 

Each of the 5 girls were told to put a white coverall suit on over top of their bathing suits.  As each of the girls gave their excuses for not sticking to the diet and workout program, someone would write those excuses on their white suit.  They were covered in excuses...  Some were like "I'm too tired", "I just didn't care", "I don't feel like it", etc... very legit at the time, I'm sure.  Then they had to stand in front of a mirror with their excuses written all over them.... THEN... and this was the kicker for me... they were told to take off their white suits and look at the consequences of their excuses did to their bodies....  I gotta tell you, it was eye opening to me.  

I have wanted to start working out again.... and I have a plethora of excuses.  I have asthma and I am having a hard time breathing, when I get home the baby is calling for me, the dog will bark if he hears me go downstair, the treadmill is buried with the Sweet Pea's larger toys,  I'm tired.... the list goes on and on....  sigh.... and as I write those excuses on my imaginary white coverall suit, I know that the reality is, there are no excuses...  Just poor decisions... 

People in glass houses.....

I could not believe it. How could they do it? All I can think is; those foolish people. I just could not grasp the concept of how they could turn their backs on Him. All that murmuring and muttering.... How could they willingly turn from trusting Him to whining about going back? Don't they realize what they are doing? Don't they realize that they wanted to go back into bondage and slavery after being set free? They had seen the waters part for goodness sakes!! They were fed fresh manna every day without fail. They were following His visible glory. HE was leading them. They were headed for the Promised Land. The land God had for them. What were they thinking??
....
But, who am I to judge? I, too, have seen the miracle of God. Oh sure, I personally have not seen the waters part... I have never gone out on my lawn and picked up my manna for the day.... But, I have seen the provision of God in my life many times. I have felt His presence. I have heard His voice....
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So, what am I thinking? Why is it that I don't trust God in my heart? Oh, I say I trust Him; however, my thoughts contradict that. The fears and frets in my heart say that I don't trust Him completely. And He knows. I am such a foolish child. From where He sits, this makes me no better than the Israelites back in the wilderness. How I must hurt the heart of God with my doubts and fears. How would I feel if my own children wouldn't trust me to be sure that I had their back if they needed something?

Actually, in my mind, I am worse than the Israelites wandering in the desert. They were not able to go to His throne. Due to Christ's sacrifice, I can. How deceived have I allowed myself to be? I have allowed the chains of fear and distrust to put me back into bondage. My murmuring and muttering and actions probably mimicked those back then. I find myself saying life was better when I didn't know better. Others can do things that I can't do any longer. They don't have to live a consecrated life. They get to have more fun, or so it appears... I seem to have forgotten the big picture....

If I be honest, I guess part of the problem is that I don't have the relationship I use to have with Him. Back when I saw the miracles and wonders I was also spending more time in His presence. I have allowed so many things to take my time away from him. Work, TV, sleep, internet, they all seem to take priority. I find myself fretting instead of thanking. I find myself worrying instead of trusting... God has not changed, I have.
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Thankfully, He knows my story from beginning to end... It's time to drag myself out of the miry clay I've allowed myself to get stuck in. I realize that.... Once again, it's time to get out of the wilderness mentality and more forward into my promises from God... I'm going to move into my Promised Land of milk and honey ... Hopefully I can make that move and not look back...

Psalm 18:2


The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer;My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

We're baaack!

It was great to be away for a week!  Vacation was a good time for all!  My mom, Aunt Bea, Buddy, Sweet Pea and I had a great time in Myrtle Beach. 

The Ripley's Aquarium was great!  There wa a walk thru section where it was as if we were walking on the floor of the ocean.  The sharks, fish, and sea turtles were swimming all around and above us.  Sweet Pea loved it... she did not see Nemo, but that's ok... she did she lots of other friends!

The ocean was wonderfully warm and even I dipped my toe in it!  Not as much as Sweet Pea! 

She loved it!

She really enjoyed the lazy river (there were two where we were staying!)

And look... I got in, too!!!

But her absolute favorite thing at night...  the bubble bath in the jacuzzi!  The first night we took her out, I swear I was sure Child Protective Services would be knocking at the door because she was screaming to get back in!

Yes, a good time was had by all.   It was sad to leave, but we can hopefully look forward to another trip next year!

Tomorrow.... back to reality!

How quick time flies....

Yup, it's been over a year since we were blessed and thrilled to be granted custody of Sweet Pea...  It was official back on Sept. 22, 2008.  We were supposed to be leaving a few days prior for vacation in the Outer Banks when we discovered our court date was that Monday.  There was much anticiapation on my end as to what the outcome would be and that would also determine how good a time we would have at the beach.  Needless to say, we had a blast!!!  We were thrilled that the judge ruled in our favor and here we are... more than a year later, getting ready to go on vaction again!!  I can hardly wait.  Last year Sweet Pea was not even walking (she was 10 months old a that time).  This year we will be hard pressed, I'm sure, to keep her out of the water.  I hear where we are going that the water should still be warm!?  We'll see!!  I am just thrilled to be able to get away..THANK YOU MOMMY!... and be ocean front again.  I love the ocean.  I don't have to get in it... I just love watching it.  I marvel at it and often meditate while gazing.  I have hopes and plans of finally catching up on my bible study that I am officially 37 days behind on this particular study.  I truly felt I was supposed to do it... but have not have the time or the energy to devote to it properly.  I don't want to give is a lick and a promise, I want to delve into it and see what message it has for me... because I know it has a message..!  I've been so lax for so long.....  BUT, I aspire to do better!!  Wish me luck!!

Meet Russell Lee!

Friday the 25th was a day we have been anticipating for weeks.... 20 to be exact!  It was the day that we were finally able to know....girl... or boy?!   IT'S A BOY!!!  I was hoping for a good shot of his lil' peepe, but to be honest, unless you knew where to look, it would not matter LOL. 

<-----Here he is with is little right arm next to his cheek. 

The ultrasound appointment resulted in Lindsay looking like she had an entourage!   In the room was Lindsay and Snoopy, of course, Buddy , me, my mom, and Jerry (Linz' dad).  Blair showed up towards the end.  We were really glad she was able to be a part of this.  There was some concern about them letting us all in that small room, therefore Blair opted out.  But they did make room for her and she was able to see her little nephew, Rusty.  Hmmm I wonder if he will have Linz' strawberry blonde hair?  Then that name will be most appropriate!...

I had been a little concerned that she was not really feeling his kicking.  We found out that the placenta was positioned towards the front and it was actually cushioning the blows.  WHEW... I never let her know I was worried, but I am SO relieved to know there was a good reason for it. 

The creation of a child is truly a miracle...  Take your time, Russell.  We'll be here when you are ready!