My handicap....

I realize that I have a calling on my life.... I realize that I have the choice to follow that calling, or not.  I realize that while I may want to follow that calling, I am fearful of messing it up because, well.. that's so easy to do.  I lack confidence that I am hearing correctly with my spiritual ears.  I got slammed a few years ago when I thought I was hearing a warning for someone, warned her, and subsequently lost her as a friend.  She married they guy, they seem happy... I guess I was wrong.  I heard the wrong voice. Since that time, I've doubted anything I've seen or heard to be a message.   So... I guess it's not that I don't trust God, I don't trust me and my ability to hear clearly.  I guess that is my handicap. 

Please understand, at the risk of sounding wack... Let me say.... I know that I have heard the voice of God.  It scared the poo out of me and I covered my head with my blankets.  I had been singing a song in my head as I was getting ready for bed.  "This is the day that the Lord has made... I will rejoice and be glad in it"...over and over I sang that in my head.as I crawled into bed.... Then suddenly, I heard... "No, Cindy, this is YOUR day".  It was as if someone was in the room speaking directly to me.  But nobody was there but me. 

I've felt the arms of God's comfort before.... I was really upset and in dispair over something... to the point that I crawled into a closet to get away from everyone.  Huddled down on the floor, I  broke down and sobbed.   I swear to you, I felt arms wrap around me as if to say, it will be ok. 

All that being said was to say this....  I realize I am called to write (among other things, but we won't go there today).... but my handicap is holding me back.  I guess that is a good thing so that I can stay humble and seeking Him and His direction.....








2 Corinthians 12:9 (The Message)


7-10 Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.